John Shuttleworth: If Nick Clegg was called Nicholas

Lovely to hear John Shuttleworth on the Vote Now Show late on Radio 4 last night. The track’s here if you missed it – his wonderfully crafted lyrics are a great take on the three horse race that’s unfolding before us…. I think he has a point. If Nick Clegg was called Nicholas, he would inevitably get less votes.

Here’s the track for those of you who missed it:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

(updated: download link here by popular demand of the flash-starved iPhonites)


If Nick Clegg was called Nicholas
Voters would think him ridiculous
But as he’s just plain “Nick Clegg”
People assume he’s a right good egg

If only Gordon and David
Would shorten their names as he did
Think of the votes they’d get
from an admiring electorate

Wouldn’t you put a tenner on
Somebody called Dave Cameron?
He sounds a like a friendly bricklayer
Or even a professional darts player
(“Dave, you require double-five”
– Well – he wants number 10)

If only Gordon was Don Brown
His ratings would never have gone down
A Don you would never close a door on
Whereas Gordon is a moron
(he’s gone a bit quiet hasn’t he – the lad who did that one)

By the way, I wonder if you knew
That Nick Clegg’s a former member of Kajagoogoo
Oh no – that’s not Nick Cleggs that was Nick Beggs
Apologies I’ve made a slight boo boo

If Nick Clegg’s was called Nicholas
Voters would think him ridiculous
But as he’s just plain “Nick”
He’s as solid as a brick
He’s the one the others must lick
Shame his middle name is Benedict
(no I’m only joking… )
Oh – and a lovely reference in the lyrics to ‘Gordon is a Moron’ re: the 1978 hit by Jilted John (Graham Fellows – or John Shuttleworth in a former punk skit role) – flashback below.



By continuing to use the site, you agree to the use of cookies. more information

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.